Grave

She...Is really gone.

This was. Very hard to write.

I've been off substack for a few days, mainly with some upcoming deadlines and overall school being more hectic then I expected but. Some really sad news hit my family on the 8th and, well…

Poetry is a method of coping? at least for me it is… part of me still can’t full grasp what happened. It still all feels so unreal.

---

After? What…now?

She left without warning, no sign, no plea,
no slow goodbye carved into memory.
No sickness to teach us how to prepare,
just age, and the quiet, and empty air.

They say she passed peacefully, soft in her sleep,
as if that explains the ache I keep.
As if the word peace could loosen the knot
of all the things said, and the ones I did not.

It’s strange how time feels thin and wide,
one and a half years stretched like tide.
Not long enough to call it away,
long enough to wish I’d stayed.

We said later with careless ease,
after graduation, after degrees.
After the rush, after life stood still…
I didn’t know after could lose its will.

There was no last glance, no final day,
no ordinary moment to lock away.
Just plans half-formed, still warm in my hands,
and now they crumble like written sand.

I mourn not only the loss of her face,
but the version of me she’ll never place.
the cap, the gown, the steadier eyes,
the self that grew while time slipped by.

I wonder if love grows faint with space,
or keeps its strength, keeps its shape.
If she knew, in the quiet between,
how deeply she stayed, unseen.

Guilt hums low, a restless sound,
asking questions that circle around.
Sadness sits, heavy and plain,
and numbness dulls the sharper pain.

The world goes on. This? It feels unkind.
Clocks still move, the sun still climbs.
Morning will come, right on time,
but she will not cross that line.

So I cling to what I can still hold:
that she did not suffer, that she grew old,
that her leaving was gentle, silent, and light,
a door closing softly into night.

I don’t know how to say goodbye
to someone I thought I had more time by.
So maybe this isn’t farewell, but part…
me learning how to miss her,
and carry her in my heart.

---

My. grandmother passed yesterday.

It, was and is quite a blur all things considered. Part of me feels like I should be home mourning her but being stuck in foreign country due to school and not having the funds to go home is…quite painful.

I wasn’t even able to see her for over a year, and we were planning on meeting each other again not even 6 months from now…After my graduation and once I could finally go home.

I’m. grieving for one. Its hard, one of the first times I’ve experienced loss to someone, particularly close to me. Most of this was written just for me, just to be able to cope and grieve through some form of writing.

Thank you all for reading, I probably will be a little less active in posts for a bit, but will try to keep some updates on the novels/poetry from time to time.

I would also love to hear your thoughts, maybe this resonated somewhat…?